American Horror Story: Hotel - Room 33

This week revealed who lives in Room 33. It also introduced a new romance, and saw two characters leave Hotel Cortez. Lots to talk about, but before we get into that, I'll start this recap with the usual warnings that.... there will be spoilers. Now let's talk Room 33.

Flashbacks are always fun. Flashbacks that take us back to season one are even better. We learn that in 1926 Countess (going by Mrs Johnson) visited the 'doctor' from season one, Charles Montgomery, at Murder House. She was there to get an abortion and was referred to him by her friend, Margaret Gibson. The name sounded vaguely familiar so I did a quick Google check. Turns out Margaret Gibson is an actress from the silent movie era who famously confessed to killing a director (William Desmond Taylor) on her death bed. If this is supposed to reference her...it fits with American Horror Story perfectly. Countess is married, and her husband simply cannot know she's with child. My theory is she was married to Mr March (he was around in the 20's) and met the person who infected her. She most likely got pregnant before, but that's to be determined. Charles asks her how far along she is, and Countess reveals a very impressive baby bump but tells him she's three weeks along. Is she already infected at this stage and that is what is speeding up the pregnancy? The doctor agrees to help her. During prep, the nurse comments that Countess' body temperature is very low. They perform the operation, and the 'baby' attacks the nurse before it's revealed to be a boy and given to the Countess who tenderly holds her child. Does the Countess' blood explain what happened in Murder House? Interesting connection that I hope is expanded upon more. It would explain some things about why the Cortez and Murder House have similar 'rules' about what happens when you die on the property.

John continues to have a VERY BAD DAY and wakes to find Holden in his bed who greets him with a seriously creepy 'Hi, Daddy' and a giggle. John chases Holden through the Cortez to the room where all the child vamp coffins are. He, naturally, sees his soon to be ex-wife in one of the coffins holding Holden and promptly faints.

My prediction that Tristan would fall in love with someone who is NOT the Countess turned out to be correct. Seems he and Liz Taylor have been having an extremely passionate affair. They have a post sexytimes cigarette and Liz gives Tristan some books. Tristan admits that nobody ever thought he was smart enough to give him 'real' books before (which is both heartbreaking and sad. You just want to hug Tristan.. okay maybe that's just me). Their chat leads to them both admitting that they love each other and they are actually incredibly cute together. I feel cheated out of getting to see them fall in love. It's the biggest issue I have with this episode. It feels like we should have seen this evolve. Tristan says he loves Liz because whenever he goes downstairs she is generally happy to see him. Liz tells Tristan that whenever he enters the room it's like Christmas morning. They are basically nauseatingly cute and happy. Liz thanks Tristan for seeing the girl inside her and begins to cry. Liz feels guilty about them betraying the Countess but Tristan thinks she could understand if she realizes they are in love. Sorry, Tristan. She's not going to understand anything and SHE WARNED YOU!

Countess is attempting to engage in some sexytimes of her own with Will Drake. His body, however, is not co-operating. Seems Countess is up to the challenge though and calls on Tristan for his assistance in getting Will 'prepared'. Tristan isn't into it. He tells them he's not gay and that he lied about the prison stuff. Tristan looks really uncomfortable and despite how much he protests, Countess basically pulls rank and makes him fall in line. When did Tristan's story get so heartbreaking?!
 
Alex decides that the best way to deal with John finding out about the coffins is to sedate him, bring him to his room and clear away the coffins. Smart plan, actually. She asks Liz for help (who is delightfully snarky about it) who only softens when love is brought into the conversation via Alex's love of Holden. Liz is all about love right now thanks to Tristan.

After smashing and clearing away the coffins, Alex wakes John who reiterates what he saw. He is sure and determined. Alex pokes holes in his fragile story by reminding him that this is the same thing Scarlet told them. John gets agitated and wants to check out the room where the coffins were for himself. Obviously, there is nothing there.

Countess goes to Room 33 which we discover is her baby's room. The baby hasn't aged, so the infant must also be infected. She tells the baby that she is going to Paris (with Will) and that when she returns she'll have enough money that she'll never have to leave again.

Ramona and Donovan use the fact that Countess is away to initiate their plan to take Countess' kids from her. Donovan doesn't seem as into the plan as he once was. He would rather go to the Penthouse and trash it as payback. Ramona adeptly deduces that it's not because he feels anything for the children, but because he is still in love with Countess. Donovan points out that Ramona is just as obsessed as he is. Ramona wants revenge though, Donovan. That is what drives her. Donovan is just lashing out because he's hurt that he was dumped. Ramona tells him to go ahead and she'll go take care of the vamp children.

Ramona and Iris discover the children are not in the room they are supposed to be in. Ramona tells Iris to go find them (as Iris sees it as a kindness to kill them as the hotel is no place for children). Ramona wants to make sure that Countess has nothing left to live for by killing her baby and asks for the key to room 33.

While Donovan is riffling through Countess' things he runs into the Swedish tourists from episode one. Donovan explains that they are stuck at the hotel, and that their life is going to be a continuous loop until they find their purpose. We also see that the male half of the annoying couple Iris killed is haunting the halls yelling about kale (WORST GHOST EVER). Donovan tells them a tale of a young woman who killed herself at the hotel in the bathtub. Donovan explains that she was aimless and stuck until she discovered that she could terrorize and kill the guests. Donovan reminds them that having a purpose will not allow them to leave the hotel (seriously, you can NEVER leave) but it will break up the monotony. The Swedish tourists ask about his purpose. Donovan bemoans that he lost his purpose when he lost Countess. Seriously, Donovan. There are plenty of other women out there. Ugh. I can't believe I LIKED you.

Ramona enters room 33 calling out for Bartholomew (the baby has a name!) and calls him Love Bug (which, HILARIOUS) and tells him that 'Auntie Ramona' missed him (while brandishing a knife, obviously). Ramona gets Bartholomew to come out, but he attacks her and escapes before she can attack him. Vicious little thing.

Liz fills Alex in on the fact that Bartholomew is missing after he discovers the door to room 33 open. Alex scurries off to search and Liz meets Ramona at the bar. She asks Ramona to leave because he tells her that he is in love and he doesn't want Ramona to destroy everything. Liz tells Ramona all about Tristan (he's young, he's beautiful, he's exquisitely damaged, he's mine... mostly) and Ramona pieces together that Liz means Countess' current boy toy. Ramona, who has experience with how much the Countess does not like to share, tells Liz to take Tristan and run. Smart advice, to be honest. Liz however thinks that Tristan is a passing fancy for Countess and that she'll understand.

The Swedish tourists take Donovan's words to heart and start their search for purpose by murdering an attractive guest of the hotel (after having sex with him, of course). Can we take a moment and thank Ryan Murphy for all the cute guy butt we've gotten to see this episode?! Alex discovers them during her search for Bartholomew. The Swedish tourists are upset. They didn't enjoy murder as much as they thought they would. Alex tells them that instead of murdering guys, how about they just drive them insane instead, and she has the perfect guy to start with... John. I know that divorces can be bitter, but REALLY, Alex?!

John, however, isn't at the Cortez. He heard over his police scanner that there had been another Ten Commandments murder (which he probably committed) and went to check it out. His old partner was, understandably, not happy to see him. He tells John to basically 'GTFO' and tosses John out on his cute behind. John does not take this well, at all. He decides alcohol and self loathing are the best ways to deal with everything. Liz finds him drinking in the hall and he tells Liz that he really does love his kids, and his wife, but that he is just really shitty at it. Liz tells him to go sleep it off as there are some undesirables in the hotel. John snaps back that perhaps the undesirables should be scared of him. Okay, Mr Murdering Murderer, we get it. Liz tries to take the bottle away but John is very determined to have his mental breakdown.

Liz leaves John to his downward spiral and John is accosted by the Swedish tourists. He's all to happy to engage in sex with them but it's not long before there is blood all over the bed (the girls basically vomit blood all over the bed) and John is running through the hotel naked covered in it. He gets Liz to follow him back to the room where a very cross Miss Evers is upset about the state of the sheets. She is my favourite here, berating John for the mess he has made ('This much blood will take three washings to get out'). The girls saunter out of John's bathroom delighted that John is completely unhinged. They much prefer this to murder. Miss Evers calls them harlots who have no respect for fresh linens. Seriously, She is the best. John starts yelling at everyone to get out of his room. Once they leave John sees Mr March who shares that he is happy to see that John is 'finally, truly checking into Hotel Cortez' (still very much a card carrying member of the John is the TCK club). This causes John to snap and decide that perhaps this is the low point. Perhaps covered in blood, seeing things and barely sane is when you call it quits. He starts packing and checks out of the hotel, but Bartholomew has stowed away in his luggage (so even when you check out a piece of the hotel goes with you, apparently).

John remembers he has a daughter who is quite miffed that neither of her parents have picked her up from her friend's house like they were supposed to. She is angry that she hasn't heard from either parent in two days and takes off crying. Honestly, she's better off with her grandparents at this point. John promises her that he'll make it right but Scarlet is over it. It doesn't help that John ends up shooting a gun at Bartholomew (who has escaped the suitcase and is exploring John's house) which terrifies Scarlet. It ends with the police, and Alex showing up. Alex ships Scarlet off to her grandparents (may she live there forever, because honestly) and tells John that it's a good thing he left the hotel. John realizes that Alex is going back though and basically alludes to the fact that she's a hypocrite. As Alex is leaving she finds Bartholomew who has made his way outside and scoops him up bringing him back to the hotel.

Countess and Will return from Paris with Lachlan (another parent who has recalled he has a child). Countess sends Will off to bed. Liz comes and wants to talk to her about Tristan. She explains to Countess that she has fallen in love with Tristan. Countess says that sharing is not in her nature and offers that Liz can have Tristan when she's done with him. Liz reminds her that time passes for those who are not immortal. Countess offers to have them all talk this out together. Tristan comes into the room and I am instantly on edge. There is this feeling of foreboding as Countess starts telling them that she can taste emotions. She lists various emotions and what they taste like. She says she enjoys them all, except betrayal. Tristan calls her out though with an incredible speech (and a goosebumps inducing performance by Finn Wittrock).

‘What did you expect? I am just going to spend my life crying over your broken promise? I know I'm dumb and I'm just a model but I know you. It’s not that you get bored and move on. Moving on is the point of the whole thing. That is your orgasm. You collect us and create us and get us addicted to the light of your love just so you can take it away. You feed off the heartbreak, knowing we’re out there suffering over you. Well, not me. I was made for more than that. For a real love.’

I was basically shouting "SHUT UP, TRISTAN, SHUT UP" at the television even though the entire scene was mesmerizing. Liz pleads for the Countess to let him have this happiness. Countess asks Tristan if that is what he wants as well. Tristan's answer is to go to Liz and they hold each other. The tension here is palpable because you know something is going to happen, and that it is nothing good. Countess relents and says that Liz may have him. However, she ruthlessly cuts Tristan's throat and a distraught Liz holds his body as the blood gushes out. I am right there with you, Liz. Why did you have to kill my eye candy, Countess?! Countess reminds Liz that Tristan is hers now, so she needs to get rid of his body. Countess is brutal, and she told Tristan not to fall in love (still, that's a little harsh).

I figured Tristan would be dying when I saw in a recent interview that Finn had cut his hair. The Tristan cut was gone in favour of a shorter one. I have a theory, however, that this is not the last we'll see of Finn Wittrock on the show (or at least I hope it's not). I think that whoever turned the Countess looks identical to Tristan. They are basically doppelgängers and that means that Finn's gorgeous face (and cute behind) will be gracing our television sets again soon.

Countess leaves to go visit Bartholomew only to find Alex rocking him. Alex explains that he got out and that he lost some blood but that he'll be fine. Countess is extremely gratful that Alex saved her son and Alex reminds Countess that she saved Holden (not sure I would call what she did to Holden saving but okay..). We end the episode with our first glimpse of Bartholomew and it offers up another call back to the first season. Bartholomew resembles the Infantata. Rather than subjecting you to a picture just take my word for it that Bartholomew is not a pretty baby.

Tristan is dead. I am in mourning. John is insane and still a serial killer. Scarlet is hopefully never coming back to this mess of a family and I am beginning to think we've seen the last of Gabriel, too. I cannot wait to see how else this season ties into season one!

Until next week..... enjoy your stay (just don't drink the water on the fifth floor)