Welcome to Camp
Crystal Lake Redwood. This season of American Horror Story takes a page from classic 80's slasher films and goes to summer camp. It's a perfect theme for this show and I cannot wait to see what this season has in store.
Here is your official spoiler warning before we dive into the events of Camp Redwood.
The episode starts out with a flashback and a staple of the slasher film .... teen camp counselors hooking up. We are quickly introduced to a threesome (two girls and a guy) who seem to be on the verge of having sex in a room with the other counselors present (it could be the campers as we only get quick glimpses of them). The one girl offers up a weak protest about being responsible but that is quickly tossed out the window when the guy shows he has a condom that he stole from his dad. You can probably guess what happens next ... they hear a noise (in this case they hear a jingling) but they chalk it up to some wind chimes. Naturally it turns out not to be the wind chimes and the threesome is quickly killed by a man dressed in a black rain slicker jacket (very I Know What You Did Last Summer) who proceeds to kill the remaining occupants of the cabin while (grossly) taking an ear from each as a trophy. This season already has an incredibly high body count and we're barely 5 mins in.
We jump forward to 1984 and are quickly introduced to most of our main cast during an aerobics class. Lots of fabulous 80's work out gear and moves with sexual undertones. Very fun. We get a quick glimpse of Montana (Billie Lourd) introducing herself to Brooke (Emma Roberts) in the showers after their workout. Montana teases that she saw the way Brooke was looking at her friend Chet (AHS newcomer Gus Kenworthy) and asks if she wants an introduction. Brooke declines and Montana apologizes for coming on a little strong. It's hard to make friend in Los Angeles, apparently. We also learn that Montana's goal is to compete in aerobics competitively. Brooke ends up meeting the rest of the crew however when they walk into the gym lobby. The rest of our main crew for this season is dishing on a gruesome murder that recently happened in Glassell Park. Xavier (Cody Fern) reveals that he has connections to the police force and shares that they think a bunch of unsolved murders have all been committed by someone they are calling the Night Stalker (and my guess that Zach Villa is playing Richard Ramirez just pretty much got proven correct). Brooke is every Murderino ever and immediately starts spewing facts about serial killers. She explains that they get more active in the summer because it is hot and people sleep with their windows open. Awkward introductions are made and we learn that Xavier and Montana met when she rear ended his car and they dated briefly (even though she made him miss an acting audition as a result of the accident). Chet and Ray (Deron Norton) met at the gym and they met Montana because Ray ran into her at a party.
Xavier circles back to the serial killer on the loose. He doesn't want to hang around the city that summer (which is just smart thinking) and invites everyone to come with him to Camp Redwood to be counselors. Ray is immediately in. He wants to be out of town before the Olympics start and Los Angeles gets crowded. He also points out that he doesn't want to see Chet getting his face rubbed into it (I am guessing Chet was supposed to be on Team USA but something happened). Montana is in as long as they'll let her teach aerobics. Only Brooke is a little hesitant with her saying she is talking veterinary assistant classes. Xavier teases that she should come because staying in the city could literally cost her her life. Montana flirtatiously gives Brooke her number just in case she changes her mind.
Brooke is relaxing at home and getting ready for bed. She takes off her jewelry and puts it away. She lingers on an engagement ring and looks at it a little wistfully. I am immediately curious. Did she have a fiance who died? Or did they just break up? I need to know that entire backstory. She obviously forgets all of the good advice she gave about serial killers because she falls asleep WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN. She is awoken by a man (Zach Villa) on top of her.
He demands to know where her jewelry is kept. He is disappointed that the only thing of value seems to be the one ring and makes her swear on Satan that there is nothing else of value. He tells her that she'll be famous because she is going to die at the hands of the Night Stalker. Brooke is a complete badass and fights back hard when he attacks her. They make so much noise that her neighbours bang on the door asking if she is okay and advising that they've already called the police. The guy takes off vowing to find her again because Satan will show him the way. He is 100% supposed to be Richard Ramirez (especially with all that Satan talk).
Brooke's close call makes her much more eager to leave town and join everyone at the camp. Brooke is, naturally, freaked out but Montana tells her that she'll be far away and that there is no way this guy can find her. They give her some alcohol to take the edge off. Ray offers further enticement by filling her in on all of the weed and cocaine he brought along (enough for the summer) and laughs that he hopes they don't do surprise drug tests which makes Chet mad. We learn that he was kicked off Team USA because he tested positive for drugs on one of his drug tests. He claims he didn't do any drugs and that he worked his ass off to get his spot. He takes his shirt off demanding to know if they have ever seen a body like his. Brooke very much approves of what she sees.
It all ends in everyone doing a bump of cocaine (except Xavier who is driving and Brooke who declines). All of this drug talk is basically perfect because drugs, along with sex, are two of the things that will get you killed in a horror movie so this is definitely on brand.
They pull into a rest stop and Xavier runs over to the pay phone to check his message. He has a mysterious message that I immediately need to know more about.
The guy who left the message is definitely threatening Xavier. I need to know how this fits into this season. Brooke yells at him to hurry up or they'll be late arriving at Camp Redwood. The attendant at the rest stop (Don Swayze ... yup, Patrick Swayze's brother) visually reacts at the mention of the camp and tells them to turn around. When they laugh him off he tells them that they're all going to die. Naturally our heroes do not listen and continue on to the camp. It wouldn't be a horror inspired show without all of the bad decisions being made.
As they are driving they begin to argue about what the attendant said which distracts Xavier and they end up hitting someone who is in the middle of the road (again, very I Know What You Did Last Summer). They get out of the car. Xavier is very quick to point out that the guy is covered in old injuries. They decide to take the guy back to the camp with them and Xavier wants it made known that they NEVER hit the guy (even though he totally did). The guy who was hit is conscious but not coherent. They load him up in the car and continue heading to the camp.
Upon arriving at the camp they meet Margaret (Leslie Grossman) who is the person reopening the camp. They fill her in on the injured guy in the car and Xavier is, once again, quick to point out that the guy was on the side of the road (meaning they could not have hit him) when they are asked what happened to him. Margaret tells them to take them to the camp medic, Rita (Angelica Ross).
Rita asks where they found him and Xavier, once again, makes it clear that ...
He also so helpfully points out that he has been talking nonsense. Rita muses that it is probably dehydration caused by him getting lost in the woods. She shares that she works at Hawthorne Hospital the rest of the year which immediately caught my attention because the school for the warlocks in Apocalypse was Hawthorne Academy. I wonder if they are related. Either way, it seems she is very capable and I hope she doesn't die because her skill may be very valuable later.
Margaret takes the new counselors on a tour. She shows them a lake and reminds them that drowning is the number one cause of kids dying a camp. Xavier asks what the second cause is which just earns him a dirty look. The tour also allows them to meet the chef, named Bertie, who used to be a counselor when Margaret was a camper. Bertie mentions that 'one bad apple' ruined it for everyone and she was happy to hear Margaret was opening it back up.
Next tour stop is the counselor cabins. The red cabin is for the girls, and the blue cabin is for the boys. She quips that nobody better even think of making purple which causes an outcry. Xavier asks if she has ever heard of the sexual revolution and he reminds her that ....
She is well aware of the sins of the current times but she is a religious woman and used the money she got after her husband's untimely death to reopen the camp as a means to fight the filth that is women's underwear that shows off their butt, porn, and Van Halen (which is especially hilarious because Montana looks like any woman from an 80s hair band videos).
The first day ends with the main group and Rita sitting around a camp fire smoking weed and cigarettes. They murders happening in Los Angeles is brought up and Brooke shares her story of being attacked. It leads Rita to start telling them a story about something that happened at the camp but she is stopped by Xavier. He doesn't want some bullshit ghost story. Brooke went through a real assault and he isn't here for that being made light of. She tells them that the story is real. It wasn't any ghosts and isn't some tale used to scare campers. She reminds them that none of them have experience working at a summer camp but they were hired because they were the only ones willing to work at the camp after what happened. She basically tells the story of our opening flashback. Benjamin Richter (aka Mr Jingles and played by John Caroll Lynch) who was a former war vet who found he liked killing while serving in the army and used to collect trophies (ears that he used to string into a necklace) from those he killed in combat. He was hired on at the camp after he was discharged and one day killed 10 people in the girls cabin. Margaret walks up and quickly corrects Rita. It was NINE people that were slaughtered. Everyone seems really skeptical that this actually happened so Margaret lifts up her hair and reveals that she is missing an ear. SHE WAS ONE OF THE VICTIMS AND SURVIVED! EEEEEEP! She tells her own story of what happened. She heard his keys jingling before she was stabbed. She claims that as she lay their near death she saw a light and it helped her survive. She claims it was Jesus (it was actually the light above the door) and that he helped her stay still while her ear was cut off. She bought the camp to take those dark memories and turn them into something happy. She reminds them that the kids are coming tomorrow and that they should not talk about this again.
We jump to the guy Xavier totally hit with this car waking up disoriented. He walks around and goes to a mirror. He removes the bandanna around his head and we see that his ear is also missing (and it seems more recent than Margaret's does). Brooke comes to check on him and he tells her that she shouldn't be here. She gets him to go lay back down and he asks where they are. He gets angry and starts screaming at her to get out when she tells him that they are at Camp Redwood. She's all too happy to oblige and runs away.
Back at the cabins the group is doing more cocaine and Brooke is filling them in on what just happened when they hear creepy footsteps approaching the cabin. It turns out to just be Trevor (Matthew Morrison) who is technically their boss as he is the activities director. Montana is super into him and she claims that he looks familiar. After much discussion, and Trevor listing all of the possible places she could have seen him, it turns out she had seen him in a Jane Fonda work out video. It was a bootleg version because they had to reshoot the entire thing with someone else because his penis was too distracting (he's very well endowed). Montana is VERY into this. She's basically drooling.
We cut to later and Trevor goes out to the docks to find a naked Montana in the water. He decides to join her and she talks about how the work out video turned her on and they start hooking up. Montana sees vehicle lights on the other side of the lake and gets spooked but covers it up by blaming the incoming storm and making a joke about him not wanting to be out there with that 'lightening rod'.
We next cut to a car driving into an asylum. It appears all of the patients are out and wandering around the yard and facility. The lady in the car is the owner of the facility and she wants to know what is going on. It turns out that a patient has escaped. He faked his own death and attacked a guard when they went in to help. The escaped patient? Benjamin Richter. Benjamin helpfully released the rest of the patients before leaving. Oh, and he had a newspaper clipping about the reopening of Camp Redwood tucked away in his mattress. I'll give you one guess where he is headed.
Mr Jingles makes a quick stop before heading to the camp though and visits the attendant at the rest stop/gas station who warned our heroes to turn back. The attendant gets crushed by a car for his trouble though when Mr Jingles lowers the guy he is working under onto him (and stomps on his face to make sure he's dead). He steals the gas station's truck to drive up to the camp.
We cut back to the camp and everyone is watching the Olympics which is making Chet very grouchy. He starts snapping at everyone and ends up throwing a crushed up can at Roy which cuts him. He goes off to look for bandages and Brooke runs after him. There is a bit of moment between them as she helps tend to his wound. She runs off to get bandages and iodine in the nurses office. She ends up finding the guy that Xavier totally didn't hit with this car dead and held up on the back of the door by some knives. She, naturally, takes of running and screaming. Mr Jingles chases her to the cabin. She tearfully explains what happened to everyone. The guys go to check it out but nobody is there and the body is gone when they go back to the nurse's office. This is when I would be getting back in the car and driving far away from this camp.
Nobody believes her (of course) and they blame it on her seeing things because a contact high from the weed they are smoking. Brooke is traumatized (and dirty because of all the mud from when she was running). She is told by Margaret to go get cleaned up and go to bed. We jump to Brooke being woken up by the pay phone ringing. She goes to wake up Montana who is not interested in going to check it out with her so she goes by herself. She answers and says hello but all she hears is heavy breathing. She asks who is there and nobody answers. We pan back to show more of the forest around her and we see that Richard Ramirez is watching her and he whispers Satan as the first episode ends.
Pretty sure a lot of the cast is dying this season so I am not getting attached. They are all breaking the horror movie rules. It seems like everyone wants to hook up with Brooke. Trevor will probably hook up with everyone. There are two killers on the loose and we already have a body count of 11 (9 in the flashback and two in the current timeline). It's definitely set up to be one very fun season and I cannot wait for the next episode.
Until next time .... maybe don't go to summer camp.
