Cam Girl by Leah Raeder

Cam Girl by Leah Raeder

Release Date - November 3, 2015
Publisher Website - Simon and Schuster
Publisher Social Media - Twitter
Pages - 320 pages
My Rating - 4/5
**received for honest review from the publisher**

Here is the Goodreads synopsis

Vada Bergen is broke, the black sheep of her family, and moving a thousand miles away from home for grad school, but she’s got the two things she loves most: her art and her best friend—and sometimes more—Ellis Carraway. Ellis and Vada have a friendship so consuming it’s hard to tell where one girl ends and the other begins. It’s intense. It’s a little codependent. And nothing can tear them apart.

Until an accident on an icy winter road changes everything.

Vada is left deeply scarred, both emotionally and physically. Her once-promising art career is cut short. And Ellis pulls away, unwilling to talk about that night. Everything Vada loved is gone.

She’s got nothing left to lose.

So when she meets some smooth-talking entrepreneurs who offer to set her up as a cam girl, she can’t say no. All Vada has to do is spend a couple hours each night stripping on webcam, and the “tips” come pouring in.

It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question:

Can we meet IRL?

Blue agrees, on one condition. A condition that brings back a ghost from her past. Now Vada must confront the devastating secrets she's been running from—those of others, and those she's been keeping from herself...

We live in a world where everyone and everything is defined by labels. Cam Girl asks what those labels really mean, and the fluidity and range that exist within any spectrum of any label. It's a thought provoking, intense book from an author who is quickly becoming one of my favourites.

Gender and how we define it is the primary focus of Cam Girl. People can be one sex anatomically but inside feel the opposite. This not however the only focus found within these pages. Vada struggles with labels. She feels pressure to put labels on things - her sexuality, her complicated relationship with Ellis, and so much more. The pressure she feels is both outer and inner. Through her struggle we see how the pressure to define and label things can restrict someone. The need for society to fit people into boxes is at odds with someone trying to figure things out within themselves. How can they be expected to put a name to something that they are not even sure of within themselves? There is something so arbitrary about a label that feel stifling. They are at once reassuring and terrifying. That dilemma is the crux of Cam Girl's story and a important message. It asks how many of us have ever felt truly comfortable with ourselves, for a variety of reasons, and what it would be like to feel like you couldn't put words to what that feeling inside you is, even as people demand it of you.

The idea that labels are not always up to you is also woven into the narrative. People assign you a label based sometimes solely on a snapshot of what they see and experience. This adds another layer to those who are struggling to define things within themselves, and can leave someone feeling like their voice doesn't matter. Like they can't define themselves on their own terms. It brings into focus the notion that it should be someone's decision to define themselves, and that they should do it when they are comfortable and ready. It shouldn't be done on someone else's terms.

Morally conflicted, damaged characters are a staple of any Leah Raeder book. There is something so incredibly raw and honest about both Leah's writing and the characters that inhabit her books. They don't just resonate with you, they linger. They open your eyes and leave you feeling that you've glimpsed inside someone's mind - messy, uncomfortable, unflinching parts and all. It's what Leah Raeder does best, and why her books bring forth such strong feelings and opinions. She makes us confront things about ourselves, people we know, and society and does so in a bold way.

The subtle ways this is connected to Black Iris has me really excited for future books from this author. They seem like more of companion novels where characters make appearances, or we hear about them from other characters so far. The possibilities this opens up are exciting. I appreciate that it was subtly done and did not feel gimmicky. It was entirely believable that these characters would know each other and there are a few surprise connections that I loved seeing revealed.

Leah Raeder crafts powerful stories that are so incredibly human that they resonate deep within you. Her love stories have an edge, a bite to them, that I haven't seen in other books. These broken, flawed characters, and her darkly haunting world are ones I want to visit again and again. If you haven't picked up one of her books I urge you do so immediately. 

Black Iris by Leah Raeder

Black Iris by Leah Raeder
Release Date - April 28, 2015
Publisher Website - Simon and Schuster
Publisher Social Media - Twitter
Pages - 368 pages
My Rating - 4.5/5
**received for an honest review from publisher**

Here is the Goodreads synopsis

The next dark and sexy romantic suspense novel from the USA Today bestselling author of Unteachable.

It only took one moment of weakness for Laney Keating’s world to fall apart. One stupid gesture for a hopeless crush. Then the rumors began. Slut, they called her. Queer. Psycho. Mentally ill, messed up, so messed up even her own mother decided she wasn't worth sticking around for.

If Laney could erase that whole year, she would. College is her chance to start with a clean slate.

She's not looking for new friends, but they find her: charming, handsome Armin, the only guy patient enough to work through her thorny defenses—and fiery, filterless Blythe, the bad girl and partner in crime who has thorns of her own.

But Laney knows nothing good ever lasts. When a ghost from her past resurfaces—the bully who broke her down completely—she decides it's time to live up to her own legend. And Armin and Blythe are going to help.

Which was the plan all along.

Because the rumors are true. Every single one. And Laney is going to show them just how true.

She's going to show them all.

I adored Unteachable when it was released last year. I was beyond excited to read whatever Leah Raeder wrote next. What she delivered with Black Iris is a story that is unapologetically dark and twisted. Leah Raeder is making a name for herself in the New Adult genre with her lyrical writing, with her unflinching storytelling, and bold plot execution. A novel that embraces all it's darkest impulses and is all the more alluring for it.

This is a hard novel to review because so much of this story depends on not being spoiled. You need to go and experience the story as it unravels. You need to take the journey with the characters. You need to allow Leah Raeder to bring out all the emotional reactions in you with her writing. The way the story is woven and unravels is part of what makes it so compelling and to not experience the way it's intended would drastically change the experience of reading the novel.

The characters are blunt and razor sharp. There is no sugar coating, and no pretenses. One of the first things Laney tells you about herself jumped out at me as such a defining aspect of not just her, but all the characters in the novel.

“I am not the heroine of this story. And I'm not trying to be cute. It's the truth. I'm diagnosed borderline and seriously fucked-up. I hold grudges. I bottle my hate until it ferments into poison, and then I get high off the fumes. I'm completely dysfunctional and that's the way I like it, so don't expect a character arc where I finally find Redemption, Growth, and Change, or learn How to Forgive Myself and Others.” 

It's true that she's not the hero of this story, but neither is she the villain. She's both and neither at the same time. All of the characters are equally flawed, and human. They all make ill advised choices. What sets them apart is the amount of guilt (or lack thereof) that they carry around for their choices and actions. Laney is a character who allows herself to embrace every emotion be it lust, anger, vengeance, and everything in between. She (and a lot of the other characters) choose to act on what feels right, even if what feels right is oh so wrong.

A twisted, messed up book would not be complete without an equally dark romance. This is a twisted love triangle at it's most destructive. The jealousy, lust, and betrayal between them ignite and consume everything in their path. It devours. If these characters are broken, the way they love is even more so. It's sexy, and unstable, and reckless. These three characters circle each other like predator and prey in equal measure and it's hypnotic. There is a quote that sums up the romance in this novel eloquently 'I never wanted to be saved. I wanted someone to follow me down into the darkness'. It captures both Laney's mindset and the darker nature of lust that prevails throughout these pages as they each following willingly into their darker impulses.

Leah Raeder weaves a dark, seductive tale, one with characters whose hearts are as dark as story that haunts these pages. Fans of morally skewed characters will particularly like this unique New Adult read. I'll continue to devour whatever she writes, as long as she continues to push the boundaries of New Adult novels and explore different genres in process.

New To My Book Closet

It's that time of the week again. Time to show you what bookish goodies made their way into my home and book closet (to be saved from the evil book eating cat monster named Aria). This is inspired by the various "mailbox" posts out there (eg. In My Mailbox by The Story Siren, and Stacking the Shelves by Tynga's Reviews).

Two awesome books to share this week! One I've fangirled over and just had to get a finished copy of, and the other was sent for review from the publisher.

Black Iris by Leah Raeder (goodreads)
A Court Of Thorns And Roses by Sarah J Maas (goodreads)

I pre-ordered ACOTAR and it arrived early! So excited to have a shiny hard cover of this amazing book.

A huge thank you to Simon and Schuster Canada for the review copy of Black Iris. Excited to read it as I hear it's super dark and twisty.

What books made their way into your mailbox this week?

Happy Weekend and Happy Reading!

Unteachable by Leah Raeder

Unteachable by Leah Raeder

Release Date - October 14, 2014

Publisher Website - Simon and Schuster
Publisher Social Media - Twitter
Pages - 320 pages
My Rating - 4/5
**received in exchange for an honest review**

Here is the Goodreads synopsis

Maise O’Malley just turned eighteen, but she’s felt like a grown-up her entire life. The summer before senior year, she has plans: get into a great film school, convince her mom to go into rehab, and absolutely do not, under any circumstances, screw up her own future.

But life has a way of throwing her plans into free-fall.

When Maise meets Evan at a carnival one night, their chemistry is immediate, intense, and short-lived. Which is exactly how she likes it: no strings. But afterward, she can’t get Evan out of her head. He’s taught her that a hookup can be something more. It can be an unexpected connection with someone who truly understands her. Someone who sees beyond her bravado to the scared but strong girl inside.

That someone turns out to be her new film class teacher, Mr. Evan Wilke.

Maise and Evan resolve to keep their hands off each other, but the attraction is too much to bear. Together, they’re real and genuine; apart, they’re just actors playing their parts for everyone else. And their masks are slipping. People start to notice. Rumors fly. When the truth comes to light in a shocking way, they may learn they were just playing parts for each other, too.

Smart, sexy, and provocative, Unteachable is about what happens when a love story goes off-script.

Student teacher relationships are often the 'go to' for forbidden love stories. Society seems to almost fetishize them. Unteachable takes one of these relationships and holds it under a microscope to see all the gritty, stark realism underneath. It burns, and twists your insides, and yet is somewhat hopeful and romantic.

Maise is an eighteen year old who is going on thirty. Having had to grow up quickly she seems wise beyond her years. Her abrasive, tough exterior masks a beaten, scared interior that makes you feel protective of her. She comes across as real. She's the type of character that all too easily imagined living and breathing off the pages she exists on.

Evan is someone with demons and issues of his own. He's broken in his own way, and often seems to be struggling with adulthood. He's not immature, he's just barely treading water. At times he seems untrustworthy, and at others you want Maise to run off with him into the sunset. Your feelings are just as conflicted about this character as they should be, and it creates a tension in the novel that is subtle.

These two coming together not only make sense, but feels logical as you get to know them. The sting of the student/teacher relationship is some what lessened by the notion that Maise is eighteen. If she wasn't his student it would be a relationship that perhaps raised eyebrows only because of the age gap. It allows you to see the romantic side to their relationship and the good that they bring out in each other.

Despite this aspect, the author never lets the reader forget that she IS his student. It's laced through every interaction, every touch, and every stolen moment. It's the nagging doubt in the back of Maise's head (and the reader as well) and it's always present. The brutal, honest way it's looked at makes the novel feel realistic. It's not making excuses, but showing how this type of situation could be plausible. It shows you how this type of relationship could happen. Does it make it right? This novel would rather leave the notions of right and wrong out of the discussion, and instead lets the reader see it as complicated. You feel that Maise is making choices rather than having them made for her, but you still see the fragile child underneath. It creates this conflicting push and pull within the reader regarding the relationship that is done rather well. Parts of the novel make you uncomfortable, but that's because they are supposed to.

I love that this novel doesn't pretend that they can fix each other. Two broken people coming together and there being no magical fix. It shows that maybe you're just the right kind of broken for someone else. Maybe they ease your pain, and you ease their own, but that the only person who can fix you is yourself.

The only, tiny, issue I had was the ending. After such a spiraling mess of emotions while reading, I felt the ending didn't fit. It didn't feel like the ending the story being told needed. It might be the ending a majority of people would want, but I think the ending needed to be more ambiguous. I wanted an ending with a few more cracks in it, like the rest of the novel. It tightrope walked the moral line, and I think that should have been reflected in it's ending.

A searing, crushing story about  a forbidden love and all it's complications. A unflinchingly realistic look at a beautiful, broken, twisted relationship and the messed up people in it. The emotional impact left in it's wake will stay with you long after you've finished, and leave you itching to discuss it. 

New To My Book Closet

It's that time of the week again. Time to show you what bookish goodies made their way into my home and book closet (to be saved from the evil book eating cat monster named Aria). This is inspired by the various "mailbox" posts out there (eg. In My Mailbox by The Story Siren, and Stacking the Shelves by Tynga's Reviews).

I had two amazing sounding reads make their way into my mailbox this past week. I am very excited to get to both of this as soon as possible.

Unteachable by Leah Raeder (goodreads) *adult novel*
Open Road Summer by Emery Lord (goodreads)

Simon and Schuster Canada kindly sent me a copy of Unteachable by Leah Raeder. I hear it's amazingly written, a little taboo and a whole lot sexy. I am looking forward to finally reading it. I remember hearing a lot about it a little while back from other bloggers.

Bloomsbury Kids was having a promotion where they had some bloggers 'give away' a few copies of Open Road Summer. Jamie (from The Perpetual Page Turner/Broke and Bookish) gave a few away and I happened to be online at the time and was able to score a copy. I am very excited to start #MyOpenRoadSummer and fall in love with the swoony boy I hear is in this! A huge thank you to Jamie and Bloomsbury Kids for the chance to read this.

What books made their way into your mailbox this week?

Happy weekend, and happy reading!